Practicing Radical Acceptance (aka what to do when a student mocks you)

Yesterday I was leading the class through a class discussion when a student starts blasting music from his phone. I remind the student several times "Please put the phone away".... he ignores me. I speak with him individually and he starts to mock me- "Ok whatever you SAY Ms. Tsai blah blah blah BLAH" **makes a weird face

​​Both the student and I start to feel angry. I feel like I want to grab this kid and shake the immaturity out of him (don't worry I don't actually do that.....but if I could.....) 

Teaching is unique in that my emotional reaction to day to day situations has a real impact on the students that I serve. More generally, my mindset has a ripple effect through everything I do. In this situation, I have a few choices to make. Do I respond to the anger first? Or do I respond to the situation first? The choice may seem obvious, but I find that in practice making the right choice is easier said than done. In practice, I find that it's easier to default to a place of fear-- If I don't show this student how angry I am, the student won't understand he's in trouble, and I'll lose control of the class. Therefore, I need to assert my authority as the one in charge. 

But....what would it be like to practice separating myself from fear (fear of losing control of the class....fear of letting kids "get away with" cheating or breaking the rules.......) 

I was listening to a podcast by Angela Watson, an educator and author, and she introduced me to this idea of radical acceptance. Radical acceptance means dealing "realistically with the facts of the situation and sitting with the discomfort of the present moment instead of insisting it shouldn't be happening". Radical acceptance does not mean "suck it up and muscle your way through it". Radical acceptance is a way to conserve energy in order to actually focus and make change towards the situation at hand. Like mindfulness...but applied in a practical way. 

Going back to the scenario I wrote about in the beginning of this post, there are two ways I could have responded. 

• React from a place of Fear
  • Thought: This student is being blatantly disrespectful. I need to make clear that I'm the one in charge or else his peers will follow his bad example. 
    
  • Action: I proceed to yell and/or shame the student for his behavior. Maybe I kick the student out of the classroom. 

• React from a place of Confidence 
  
  • ​Thought: I accept the student where he is in this moment, regardless of what happened in the past or what I expect from him in the future. I am confident in my authority as a teacher, and I know that 90% of students will not follow this student's bad example (they also know his behavior is disrespectful). I need to quickly address this student's needs in the present moment. 
    
  • Action: I help the student understand why I'm upset ("How would you feel if I were interrupting you with loud music?") and how his behavior is interrupting his peers ("Did you notice that none of your classmates were playing music or talking when we were having the class discussion?"). The student still gets the sense of being "in trouble", but we only address his actions in the current moment (rather than attack his character or his past/future decisions). 

The way I see it, radical acceptance can help us to pause long enough in the present moment when upsetting things occur in school in order to 1) identify our fear and 2) react from a place of confidence. And I'm not saying I'm an expert in actually doing this....but it's something I want to practice going forward.

​In my student teaching, it was common for me to see teachers shame students, kick them out of class, lecture students harshly, or even call students names. What would happen if teachers were more sensitive to not just how our students are feeling...but how we're feeling? Maybe it could help us stay present, stay engaged, and meet students where they are. Maybe it could help us lead students in the right direction from a place of confidence rather than fear.